No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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