So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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