I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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