only if we run a train.
done.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
