conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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