The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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