we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize