He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
