worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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