i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
