i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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