Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
