Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize