I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
