My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
