He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
