i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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