oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think your dad took our porno
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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