i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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