You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She needs sedatives and a leash
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
