I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
