In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
