no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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