I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
