after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
