I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize