Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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