Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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