I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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