she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
