im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
