It's Friday. Sex?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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