i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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