I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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