ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
