I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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