I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
