She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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