I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
