i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
