Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
