I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
nutella sex= disaster
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
