which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
