this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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