i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
