I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize