If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
