You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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