You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
