everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
