Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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