she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
