he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
