On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
