i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
