I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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