so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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