Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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