Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
