i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
