he thought i was a dude.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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