"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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