found the other keg... it's in the tree
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize