if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
