Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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