you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
