Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The air was thick with penises
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
