I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
