Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
