I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
