I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
