The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
