that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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