i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
