escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
