My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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