exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize