his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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