if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize