drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
