i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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