): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
