"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
