Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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