I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
