And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
