I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
