never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
