i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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