and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to calm my uterus...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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