just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
