dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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