My first STD was from a foam party
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
