I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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