This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
