I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
