I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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