and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize