How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
